


so much better than this

by aphrodite_mine



Category: Degrassi
Genre: F/M, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-31
Updated: 2011-07-31
Packaged: 2017-10-22 00:39:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/231740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aphrodite_mine/pseuds/aphrodite_mine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spoilers for season 11 up to “Idioteque.” Mostly gen, PG-13.</p>
            </blockquote>





	so much better than this

“Hey.”

You look up from your empty lunch table (Clare has newspaper and Dave has been saying… things… and you’ve been eating alone lately), catch her eye, nod. Bianca looks different lately, since she and Drew broke up. Since Drew dumped her. You don’t know the whole story, it’s the one thing he won’t tell you, though you might be the only other person other than the girl sitting down across from you who knows who really threw that brick. “Hey,” you answer, belated, and pop your headphones out, wrapping them slowly, concentrating the movement so you don’t ask Bianca what the hell she’s doing here.

It’s not like you’ve forgotten what she did. On the contrary, you remember her hands on you and her mouth and the word “freak” and the moment that you believed it. You remember the years and years of burning the feeling of freak into your arm. But you’ve forgiven her a long time ago. You know you didn’t have to, and still don’t, but you did because you could and you understand not understanding something enough to be afraid and being afraid enough to be angry and being angry enough to hurt.

She looks different; something in her shoulders, and around the eyes. She used to be all sharp edges and dangerous curves. You aren’t sure what she is now.

“Have you seen Drew around?” She stops her self. “What the hell, Bianca. Of course you have, you’re his brother.” She stops again, exhales. (You notice the quick, incidental gendering, and are tired of feeling thrilled when people — when  _she_  — get this simple thing right.) “I’m sorry. I’ll let you eat in peace.”

Your hand shoots out before you can stop yourself. “Hey, you don’t have to go. You aren’t bothering me.”

A shaky smile appears on her face and she settles slightly in the seat, looking across the caf briefly before looking back, before looking into your eyes, before smiling again.

You wonder how many times a day Bianca hears the word “slut” as she walks down the halls of Degrassi. You wonder how many times someone’s grabbed the collar of her shirt, looked her up and down, judged her instantly and snarled the word in her ear, or shouted it down a street. You wonder how many times she walked away with her head high, you wonder how many times she went home and smoked or drank to forget about it, you wonder how many times you have to hear a word before it you believe it.

“You probably don’t care, but I forgive you. For what happened.”

The smile cracks, and a quick gasp before she swipes her hand across her eyes is the only sign that Bianca is moved. She did a horrible thing, you think, but we all do. Fucking up, you think, is just high school.

You remember what it is to  _believe_  the words you hear. You forgive her anyway. You wonder if she believes it.


End file.
